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Popping Pimples on Paragraphs: 5 Things To Watch For

Image of an eye in close-up
Subject your prose to an up-close, rigorous inspection that goes sentence by sentence, word by word, to remove the "pimples" of excess words and bad constructions.
Some writers don’t rewrite; others do. I’m among the latter – by the time a story goes out, it’s passed beneath my eyes at least four or five times, often significantly more, and at least one of those passes has been a read-aloud. If that’s not your style, perhaps you’ll prefer this story prompt, this post on three things that end a story well, or the always popular Rambo Cat. If you’re with me in a preference for the polished, though, here’s some techniques for fine-tuning prose.

Towards the end of working on something, you often get weary. You’ve looked at that sentence so many times it’s become meaningless. Perhaps you reach the point of the final polish and think, “Well, it’s good enough already.” It’s not. Give it one last gloss, one last rub of the magic word-rag to bring its surface up to such a mirror-bright sheen that the editor can see their humanity reflected in it.

Talking to a friend, I compared this to going over each paragraph looking for zits, words or phrases that are little ugly clots marring the sentence. Groom the prose like a show pony, trimming dead-ends of lifeless conjunctions or combing sentences into parallel structure in order to bring them to a glossy shine.

1. Remove adverbs. An effective way to find instances of adverbs is to search on “ly” via your word processor. Nine times out of ten, if not more, the adverb’s a signal that a better verb is needed: “dashed” instead of “ran quickly” or “shouted” rather than “said loudly”. Find that verb and snip off that lumpy adverb.

2. Too long sentences (and paragraphs). Split up long sentences, whose meaning may waver and transform somewhere between the first word and the last. You want varied sentence construction, a mix of long and short, unless you’re trying for a deliberate effect by sticking to one or the other. This level of pass is a good place to get out the shears and cut through a few conjunctions.

3. Cliche comparisons and figures of speech. Watch for tired phrases and spend a moment to come up with something fresher. Use a random tool to spark ideas if you need to. Liven things up.

4. And then. Look at the beginnings of sentences to see if their first words are necessary. “And” and “Then” are common ways to begin a sentence that are usually unnecessary. Those words should only begin sentences if they’re needed for pacing. Otherwise, they’re extraneous.

5. Bad sentence constructions. It’s easy, with long sentences, to get confused and a touch ungrammatical. It’s okay to break the rules of grammar but make sure it’s deliberate and not accidental.

Now put away your sandpaper and blow gently on your paragraphs. Part of the process is letting the words rest for a little while. Now’s the time to do that. Go out into the sunlight or evening, leaving your writing behind locked safely in drawer or computer file – steeping, aging, mellowing until you’re ready to look at it again.


8 Responses

  1. Very polished article .. and helpful. I sold a short story to a magazine and was mortified after the editor ripped it apart. There were huge blind spots in my writing. For instance, I made no less than seven comparisons to scenes in movies. I also seem to have an unhealthy attraction to the word “that”.

    Now I make my wife read all my stuff and contain the embarrassment within the home.

    1. I have found working with editors, particularly newspaper ones, really really helpful in learning how to polish my prose.

  2. I’m with Cat on rewriting, pulling out the sandpaper over time and scouring the prose. The trick is knowing when to put the sandpaper away.

  3. Thanks for this, a very helpful thing to come across! 😀

    And as said, I too need to realize when to put the sandpaper away… Though getting to that stage is probably the least of our problems.

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Notes From Michael Stackpole's "How To Write a Novel in 21 Days"

Michael Stackpole
Michael Stackpole
These are my notes from the presentation at MidSouthCon 30, 2012m which was great. I suggest taking it from Michael rather than using these notes, which are a poor substitute at best. You can find the CD on his website. That said, here are the notes. I should say that they’re less about how to write a novel in 21 days than how to plan a novel in 21 days through a series of exercises intended to increase knowledge of character, world, and plot.

Overall
Writing is a skill – like any other skill, you get better and more efficient at it. Successful writers write steadily. Don’t worry about speed. Think of every word written down as one closer to your goal.

Writing is also a cyclical process. Ideas are generated and get fed back in. Don’t sweat the messiness as this process is underway because readers will never see anything but the final results. No first draft will be perfect.

Day One
Describe one character with 5-7 single sentences that each describe him/her/it in a specific area, such as their love life, education, current situation, occupation, hobbies, problems, etc.

Day Two
For each of your sentences, write two more sentences that each on it, creating a paragraph about each area of description.

Day Three
Write a single sentence about each life area that runs counter to the previous sentiment. For example, a paragraph about how the character really wants children might have a sentence about how they’re sterile. A paragraph about how they’re happily married might merit a sentence about feeling attracted to the new office manager at work.


Day Four
Write two more sentences expanding on each of the negative sentences from the previous day. You should end up with five (Michael said overachievers can go as high as seven) life areas with two paragraphs describing each. The discrepancy between the two paragraphs creates conflict, which is needed to create story.

Day Five
Repeat Days 1-4 for a second character, who doesn’t have to be involved with the first. They should be characters that interact in a story but are not protagonist and antagonist.

Day Six
For each character, think about short and long term life goals. Write down two short and one long for the character. Bonus points if some goals conflict. This part provides insight plus other stuff for the character to do.

Day Seven
Look at both characters and chart out the obstacles and fears in their life that keeps them from attaining their goals. These are problems you will have to engineer a way past.

Day Eight
Repeat steps 1-4, 6, & 7 for a third character. This lets you think about the characters in terms of a triad, rather than a pair. Interactions between pairs are predictable and low energy, so the new possibilities created by a third character help keep a story high energy.

Day Nine
This day’s devoted to developing a character’s voice. You want each character to have a unique voice. The more you know about a character, the easier it is to write, because some decisions have been made already. Write a letter (no minimum or maximum length) from one character to another doing one of the following: a) asking for help, b) warning them about something, c) apologizing, or 4) explaining something. The text of the note should demonstrate vulnerability on the part of the character writing it. Once it’s written, think about the physical appearance it will take when delivered to another character, which will provide additional insight.

Day Ten
Write a scene consisting of dialogue only (with no attributions) which is a conversation between the letter writer and its recipient. Because there are no attributions, you will need to make sure each character’s voice is differentiated enough that you can tell who’s speaking. Ways to do so: establish level of education, use jargon from their background or job, use verbal tics, etc. Make as long as appropriate, but should prbably be at least a page.

Day Eleven
Revisit the scene where the previous day’s dialogue takes place and write it from the point of view of a third character who can see what the people speaking to each other are doing, but cannot hear what they are doing. The intent is to achieve better-nuanced dialogue, and to move towards showing, rather than tellings, which makes a reader think for themself, thus engaging them, rather than spoon-feeding them facts.

Day Twelve
Now we’re starting on world and setting. Think about what roots these characters in the world? What is in the character is a reflection of the world they grew up in. You may end up adjusting the original profiles at this point. That’s okay. Do this for each character.

Day Thirteen
Think about how the world helps or hinders each character’s achievement of their goals. Is this a friendly nurturing world or a harsh one? The world’s tone determines how hard characters will have to work to achieve their goals.

Day Fourteen
Ask what happens to the world if the characters succeed in attaining their life goals? How would it change? Ask the same question about what happens if they fail. This tells you how strongly the world will resist what they’re doing. Ask – how logical is it for the world to notice what the character is doing and push back?

Day Fifteen
Write a brief scene for each character. Pick one of the following: 1) describe that character’s sanctuary/happy place/safe haven. Where are they most at home? Describe through the character’s eyes. Do this for each character. 2) Take a place where all the characters will be at the same time. Look at the details of the surrounging and see what each of them think of it. Then describe the place from all three characters’ points of view.

Day Sixteen
Now for structure and plotting, which is the toughest part. Write the back cover blurb for the novel (six sentences at most) and the one line description. This will help you figure out the core conflicts, which are the ones that should appear in this.

Day Seventeen
This is the toughest day. For every problem, understand the conflict and its resolution. Figure out the scenes necessary to show each. Most (many) will require the following: 1) a scene that shows there is a problem, which the character may or may not be aware of, 2) a scene that shows where the character realizes there is a problem, 3) a scene that gives your character a reason to want to solve that problem, 4) a scene or series of scenes showing the development of skills and resources necessary to solve the problem, 5) scene that shows the success of failure of this effort. Your’re creating 6-12 scenes for each problem and accumulating an inventory of scenes.

Day Eighteen
Now it’s time to arrange those scenes against the world timeline. Think of the world as another character and go through your scenes looking to see which create an event that would be noticed by the outside world. These events are fixed points in time. After you’ve done this for all the characters, look to see where events are taking place at the same time and might be combined in a single scene. Think of events as though you have to build sets for each and, much as they do in TV, be efficient and shoot as much footage in each point as you can, rather than having to redescribe and re-set the scene somewhere else.

Day Nineteen
Look at events and scenes and decide whether or not you need to add any scenes where characters react to events. If so, does the new scene create a new event that other characters might need to react to? You may have to go through several iterations of the Day 17-18-19 cycle, because this is how you pull the nobel together and make it live outside the characters.

Day Twenty
Each character should have an inventory of a dozen or so scenes that they’re in. Slot scenes into their chronological order, and bingo, you’ve generated an outline. An outline is to a novel as a map is to a really good road trip – as you write, you will discover new things to explore.

Day Twenty-one
Start writing! Don’t edit as you go, make a note if there’s a needed change, and save that for the editing process.

There you go!

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Writers and Natural Talent: More About that MFA essay

Graffiti reading "I am Batgirl"Recently, Ryan Boudinot wrote an essay for The Stranger titled “Things I Can Say About MFA Writing Programs Now That I No Longer Teach in One“. Among other things, he observed:

Either you have a propensity for creative expression or you don’t. Some people have more talent than others. That’s not to say that someone with minimal talent can’t work her ass off and maximize it and write something great, or that a writer born with great talent can’t squander it. It’s simply that writers are not all born equal. The MFA student who is the Real Deal is exceedingly rare, and nothing excites a faculty adviser more than discovering one. I can count my Real Deal students on one hand, with fingers to spare.

This is, in my opinion, wrong-headed, elitist, and insulting. Other people have replied eloquently. Chuck Wendig said:

This is one of the worst, most toxic memes that exists when it comes to writers. That somehow, we slide out of the womb with a fountain pen in our mucus-slick hands, a bestseller gleam in our rheumy eyes. We like to believe in talent, as if it’s a definable thing “” as if, like with the retconned Jedi, we can just take a blood test and look for literary Midichlorians to chart your authorial potential. Is talent real? Some genetic quirk that makes us good at one thing, bad at another? Don’t know, don’t care.

What I know is this: your desire matters. If you desire something bad enough, if you really want it, you will be driven to reach for it. No promises you’ll find success, but a persistent, almost psychopathic urge forward will allow you to clamber up over those muddy humps of failure and into the eventual fresh green grass of actual accomplishment.

Writers are not born. They are made. Made through willpower and work. Made by iteration, ideation, reiteration. Made through learning “” learning that comes from practicing, reading, and through teachers who help shepherd you through those things in order to give your efforts context.

(As with all of Chuck’s posts, worth clicking through to read in its entirety)

and Russell Davis said:

Write what you want, read what you want… but don’t look down your nose at anyone else for what they write or read. The truth is there’s no such thing as a sellout, and if you think there is, you’re wrong. We’re writers. We tell stories and if you want to claim the writing moral high ground because you’re “literary,” have I got news for you: Twain was a genre writer. Poe was a genre writer. So was Dickens. And Hemingway. Steinbeck. Hawthorne. Melville. I could go on and on, but let’s end with this: so are you. Dress it up how you want, literary fiction is a genre, too.

(Also worth clicking through to read.)

And my reaction is much the same as theirs.

A Small Confession

I will confess now. I have one of those literary degrees. Mine’s fairly highfalutin’; I got it from the Writing Seminars of the Johns Hopkins University, where the people I studied with included John Barth, Steve Dixon, Jean McGarry, and Madison Smartt Bell. Post-degree, I stuck around on fellowship for a while.

And I think what Boudinot is mistaking for talent is more the result of working with students who have both been hampered by the educational system and also just not having done enough of the three things you must do in order to be a good writer. (Will I reveal them? Sure. Keep reading.)

Writing is hard. Think of what happens with words, how a reader interprets them, how they may bring meanings with them that the writer never anticipated. How a scene is constructed from the trail of words on the page by means of evoking certain things in the reader’s head.

That’s magic. That’s amazing. That’s… an act so profoundly unlikely and amazing that it humbles me every time I set out to do it.

I am speaking as one of the people who has been told they are talented. I know I have a facility with language. But I think it says more about my education and reading as a child/teen than anything else, because I read and read and read, and did it all over the place, including one summer where I steadily worked my way through the folklore and mythology section of the children’s library, because I’d exhausted all the fiction.

Writing 1,000,000 Words

There is an axiom in some circles: to get good, genuinely good, at writing, you must write 1,000,000 words. This is not an exact science, but as a rule of thumb, it is not a terrible one.

But it is not entirely true. To become a good writer, you must perform a combination of three things.

  1. You must write. You must write and write and write. At first it will be hard to know how to get a character across the room. Later you will learn more complicated things. Writing will always get more complicated, in my experience, but we learn to trust ourselves to sit down with a blank page and know that we will emerge with a story.
  2. You must read. You must read good stuff, and try to figure out what makes it good. You must read appealing stuff, and try to understand how its draw is created. You must read amazing stuff that makes you weep because you will never be that good, and then you must go and try to be that good nonetheless.
  3. You must think. You must notice the world around you and try to understand it. You must exercise empathy and try to pry into some of the secrets of the human heart and psyche, even if it means admitting some things about yourself in the process.

This is something I tell my class, because I know it is true. I have been seeing it in action for almost three decades now. If you write and think about writing, you will get better, even if people are actively trying to hamper you. That is the secret of teaching writing. I can help you get better more quickly in a class, but the degree to which is entirely up to you and how much effort you are willing to put in.

There are Mozarts, natural geniuses. I think they are far fewer and farther in between than people are willing to admit. There are writers who read deeply as children. I was one and it gave me a head start. There are writers who started writing and sending out early. There are writers who set out to imitate their heroes and worked doggedly to do so. That is the norm.

Are there terrible writers who will never get better? Well. There are some getting better a lot slower than others, and I would suspect often it’s a case of a lack of number three. But better? If you do something often enough, you will get better at it eventually. And that’s what is, to my mind, important.

Enjoy this writing advice and want more content like it? Check out the classes Cat gives via the Rambo Academy for Wayward Writers, which offers both on-demand and live online writing classes for fantasy and science fiction writers from Cat and other authors, including Ann Leckie, Seanan McGuire, Fran Wilde and other talents! All classes include three free slots.

Prefer to opt for weekly interaction, advice, opportunities to ask questions, and access to the Chez Rambo Discord community and critique group? Check out Cat’s Patreon. Or sample her writing here.

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